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i wish noah had swatted the two mosquitoes from his ark

(Source: sadden, via trust)



I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

(via buildabitchworkshop)


don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me 

(via buildabitchworkshop)


getting a good grade on the test you were 97.4% sure you were going to fail

(via shouldnt)


want to get out of having to do your homework? try chopping both your arms off. in class the next day when the teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework simply say “i don’t have any fucking arms”

(via jerkidiot)


high school more like sigh school

(Source: bircls, via tylerhoekley)

me:who is that
me:what are you talking about
me:I don't know what that is
me:wait what